Archive for I hate you

Episode #3 – Holiday Edition

Posted in Hot Azz Mess with tags , , on July 7, 2008 by durtymo

I hope everyone had a safe and happy 4th..blah blah blah…now on to business…

Ladies, ladies, ladies… *shakin my dayum head* When are we gonna learn? We have so many options.. bick, nair, soap-water-razor blade, wax, laser, queen helen’s something or nother..etc, etc.. come on people!This is why I say I’m glad I ain’t black.

So wrong on so many levels. When you look like a sack of mashed potatoes from the front AND the side, I’mma need you to NOT pose. And when yo knees pointin in opposite directions and you standing up straight, please put on some pants. You scare me.

When yo tiddays two inches from yo waist, it’s not a good idea to wear a peep through shirt. I am so mad at you and ya tiddays look like them sand bags people in Iowa were using to stop the floods.

Goodness.. when yo legs together and they form a triangle from the knees down why you smiling? Your shape is hideous and I hate you.

Wow! Girl you got heart.. When your entire body look like you got plastic bubble wrap unda yo skin, I’mma need you to a) stop posing for pics b) stop posing for pics in bikinis c) stop posing for pics in bikinis that you know don’t fit and d) stop posing for pics in bikinis that you know don’t fit and go sit the fuk down somewhere…In that order please.

My work is never done.

Durt

Episode #2 – When Tats Turn Tragic

Posted in Hot Azz Mess with tags , , , on June 30, 2008 by durtymo

So this bytch (on the left) decides she wants to cover her entire thigh in verse. Let’s take a closer look…

It says and I quote: God Gave [something or nother] The Most Precious Gift Of All Which Is What Lies Between These Thighs To Conceive [something or nother] Indulge [more nonsense].. the end. It probably took her an entire year to come up with that. Girl, you so poetic. I can’t breathe.

#1. You a man #2. Your tats are dumb ‘specially the F & J on ya chest #3. You got FEVER written on your shoulder because? #4. that tat on ya leg shows the dyke in you. I’m sorry but I can’t.

As much as I wanna talk about her outfit [or lack thereof] I will remain true to this post. She looks rather dumb (read: trashy, no class) with them paw prints scattered on her pancake tiddays. I blame pitbull in a skirt E.V.E. for this tragedy.

*sigh* I will once again skip over the trainwreck of an outfit and go straight for the tats. Shouldn’t they tell a story if they all bunched up together? And I hate to see women with them jailhouse looking shyts on their arms.

Speaking of the epitome of a tatted disaster. Poor Jackie O tries to remain relevant in the rap game but fails miserably. I can’t even remember what song she even sang/rapped/whateva. *sigh* The tats, the fake contacts, the penciled on eyebrows…. I cry [and I bet she does too].

Episode #1

Posted in Hot Azz Mess with tags , , on June 27, 2008 by durtymo

can we say.. JUNKIE alert..ya better hide ya purses

She smilin with her eyes. I blame Tyra.. What a fukin clown…her bra got wondrous working powers though… them shyts are lifted!

if this all I’mma see at the club (Junebug and Ray Ray) then I’d much rather stay home and scrap my feet. It’s summatime ladies..keep it sexy!

So this was at a “Black & White Elegant Affair”.. So I guess she figured she’d be a classic beauty and put her hair back in a chignon (the word cracks me up) and silver mardi gras beads. I refuse to say anything bad about her. Jesus.. the wheel..please.

Her tiddays out and his colla popped.. I grieve…

what the hell? why she got that ribbon tied up at her neck? and that flowa? I try to understand.. I really do..

When a fashion trends goes drastically WRONG..why yall think she tried to put that brown SUEDE saudi arabi tied scarf on with that dress? I blame hip hop *crackin up*

when you’re blessed enough to surpass the six month mark in ya pregnancy, boo I’mma need you to stay out the club. You should be home resting yo feet.